Reaching Out And Connecting


Ubud, Bali. Indonesia, Kampung, Babi

These days it’s not unusual for me to find emails from people that I’ve never met in my in-box. They are not spam messages; these are from people who have found me through the Contact Me button on this blog. I’m always delighted to hear from people who genuinely want to know more about re-locating to Indonesia or who have questions about living in Jakarta for example but I do draw the line about requests for advertising car parts, baby toys or writing reviews for incontinence pads on my blog.

What I do love, is when I receive emails from people who have read the blog and feel able to write to me directly for advice or help. It’s a nice feeling to know that I’m approachable and I genuinely like being able to help people out if I can. Mostly the requests are simple, straightforward things like ‘where is a good place to live’ ‘what are the schools like?’ etc but sometimes they can be a little more complicated. A few weeks ago I had a long missive sent from a woman in Germany who was planning on moving here because she’d fallen in love with an Indonesian man and her family didn’t approve. She seemed to think that I was married to an Indonesian and wanted my advice. If you squint hard enough,and long enough, I can see that my references to Irishman could at a pinch be read as Indoman. Either that or she needs to see an oculist fast. I responded to her long missive with an equally long one back. written sympathetically and gave her my advice. I never heard another peep from her so. either I’ve been demoted from being agony aunt or she’s had a change of heart. Who knows, it really doesn’t matter, the point is that she felt able to write to me and that was nice.

Which leads me on to an email that I received a couple of weeks back from an American TV show. I’ve never had an email from a TV show so I was quite excited about this, ecstatic in fact, ecstatic until I read the line …’ to be on our show you need to be 45 or under’ WHAT!!! I was furious, more than furious in fact I was MAD.
Already I was constructing a livid response in my head to this hideous ageist TV Station. Fancy giving with one hand, then snatching back with the other because I’m the wrong side of 45. Dammit.

I waited till Irishman got home and then read the email out loud to him. Irishman is 11 years older than me; he was bound to be equally upset with this ageist bullshit. But he wasn’t, he was delighted, he urged me to respond immediately to the TV Company and say that I’d be thrilled to be considered for a part in their show.

‘What did she say again Lottie?’ ‘Reach out and connect with you?’ ‘That’s right, you say Thank you for reaching out and connecting with me, I’d be thrilled to be considered for your show, its sounds AWESOME!’

I was so shocked at Irishman’s positive response that I emailed the lady in question back and had him dictate to me what I should say. Within 20 minutes I had an affirmative response back with even two xx’s at the end. It was clear that already the wheels were in motion for fame.

A time and date were set for a skype interview. I didn’t have time for a facelift, nor the time required to shift 2 stone plus the 10lbs extra that they say you look on film, but I did have time to make an appointment to get my roots seen too. I reckoned that if there wasn’t any grey showing that might take at least 10 years off my age. The problem was that about an hour before my trip out to the hairdressers I devoured a huge bowl of edamame beans. It’s been a while since I ate edamame beans and I’d quite forgotten the terrible effect that they have on me. I’m talking flatulence here, not just a fart or two but seriously appalling wind, the sort that has you curled up in agony like labour pains sort of wind. There was no way that I could make the hairdresser appointment, I had to cancel it. I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to touch my toes and drinking ginger tea.

6pm the time set for the skype interview arrived. I dimmed the sitting room lights and rested my laptop on a few books on the desk so that the integral camera was at chin height. Years ago, I remember my mother telling me that women’s necks and hands reveal more about a woman’s age than anything else. I reckoned that if she didn’t see my neck or my hands, I could easily knock another few years off. I could probably do 40 at a pinch.

Earlier on I had emailed my soulsister in California and told her about the TV show contacting me. She sent back an email telling me that she knew and loved the show and that she was really excited for me. Knowing this meant that I had to get it right, the pressure was on.

The skype interview went well. The books didn’t slip and my chin remained perfectly placed at all times. The grey looked quite bonny in a sort of platinum blonde way and I was in good spirits as I was asked all about how we arrived in Indonesia and our journey so far. I was happy to do 4 days filming and had already planned a starvation diet for myself so that I lost the 2 stone that I needed to plus the extra 10lbs that they say you carry when on film. In my head it was all sorted. I just needed a start date that was all.

The following day I received an email. There was no reaching out and connecting this time. It was nice, it was kind, I believe it was sincere but no, I wasn’t needed for the show. Maybe I should write that review for Tena Lady incontinence pads after all.

29 thoughts on “Reaching Out And Connecting

  1. This is very sad, Lottie. But I think I see a plan B here. Indonesia’s Got Talent. All you need is some edamame beans, a cigarette lighter or match and some Dutch courage. It would be a blast. I can see Simon Cowell’s face now. Perhaps an audition by Skype is not recommended in this instance. And even better, age is no barrier and I can guarantee nobody will be looking at your roots. Go girl!

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    1. My late, great mother suffered from the same problem. One evening after a particularly violent attack she grabbed her lighter and stuck it up her skirt. The trick went horribly wrong and her knickers and bush caught fire. She had to leap into a bath to relieve the pain.

      I’m always open to offers for work but possibly not the lighter trick. I’ll give that one a miss thank you very much!

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  2. You and the Irishman would have been absolutely FABULOUS for that show (or any other show you would appear in). Completely their loss, Lottie. So I say, f**k them! AND the damn phony, shallow, Hollywood vehicle they drove in on!

    Now that I’ve got that off my chest, I want to rave about you’re lovely piggy photo. He (she?) is adorable and soulful at once. Another amazing shot. You are a star. xoxo

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    1. I thought he/she was rather apt for the reaching out and connecting theme. Thanks for your solidarity dearest Sis! Bloody Hollywood, who needs it anyway! Hah! xoxo

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  3. Here you go again. Can’t you ever stop being so dang funny? I cried as I laughed and laughed, giggled and snickered all the way to the end of incontinence pads which made me think of my elderly self. No I don’t have a pee problem. 🙂 Lucky me huh?

    Too bad you did not make the cut for being a reality star. I don’t think you batted and eye when you were rejected though. 🙂

    Anyway the two of you are better than a barrel of monkeys. Every day you have fun.

    The German woman sounds like a ding-bat. Gives me the impression of someone being out of touch with reality. As I have written you are too nice for your own good. I can just imagine the letter that you sent to her. Reckon she was sorely let down to learn that Indonesia is not the land of milk and honey. 🙂

    PS: I really like the look of your blog now. Very nice. Classy!

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    1. I didn’t bat an eye Yvonne and to be honest I’m relieved. If I’m going to be famous then I’d like to think it was through something that I’d made and earned for myself. I’m just thrilled to have got a story out of it and made you laugh. Now that is what makes my day!

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  4. Just about curled up in the foetal position with laughter. Fame is an elusive animal Lottie.
    I am an expert at non-fame attainment. It is probably a lot more invigorating and ultimately more satisfying.

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    1. Fame is indeed an illusive animal. I’ve had a few ‘almost was’ experiences in my life so you like your good self, I’m a bit of an expert now. I did think for one nano second that I might really appear on this show…just a nano second mind! 😀

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  5. Ageism alive and well as ever.
    That ‘contact me’ thing brings mixed blessings. Most of my messages were men looking to hook up with Chinese girls: ‘can you introduce me to a nice young Chinese lady please’ kind of thing.

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    1. You could have made pots of money being a dating agency pimp!

      No, I’ve not had any requests in that vein but who knows there may well be one in my in-box next time I look!

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  6. Oh that is quite disappointing. I have no idea the show, but I would have watched at least once if you were the star. Geez, not even a good 15 minutes.

    I have had one or two folks contact me through the blog with requests for free use of images. Very flattering. But one or two use for pay also. No advice requested yet.

    I thought about some humorous response to the edamame beans and tena pads, but after Andrew’s comments mine would be but weak winded.

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    1. I think it’s great when folks get in touch. I sometimes get asked for my pictures and that’s always nice. Great that you’ve been paid!

      Very kind of you to say you’d watch the show if I’d been in it! I won’t mention it by name but the clue is in international and finding a house!

      I’ve learnt that edamame beans and me don’t mix – well we do but it’s a highly explosive combination 🙂

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    1. Sadly ageism is rife. It’s a shame but there we have it. It did really annoy me and I was going to send a very caustic email back but fortunately Irishman could see the funny side and its now rubbed off on me. Hey, at least it gave me good fodder for a post!

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  7. I once went for a job as chef at Outback restaurant. I was 50ish at the time and got told I was too old to fit into their ‘team’. I told the 24ish something manager where she could stick her ‘team’ and don’t guarantee on getting sunburned.

    I am curious, is that the same pig of the bollocks fame? Or do you just go around randomly photographing pigs?

    ‘seriously appalling wind’ I’m not sure that I have heard such eloquence before. 🙂

    AV

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      1. Oh Amit! Can you imagine? I’m not sure I’m cut out for TV – directing me would be a bit like herding cats!
        I love your positive way of thinking though, thank you 🙂

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    1. AV that is terrible – what a crap thing to say to you. Grrrrrrrrr

      I put my hands up, I am a random pig photographer. I love pigs, I’m a good pig-inseminator as well. Need to get your sow pregnant? Send Lottie over to do the job 🙂

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  8. Weird having an age limit on a tv show! But good on you for trying even if the senseless eejits didn’t recognise talent when it happened to them. Your bean-bottom is reminiscent of what happens when I eat Jerusalem artichoke. Or rather, when I ate it: never ever again!

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    1. Jerusalem artichokes are lethal! It’s such a shame because they are SO delicious. I think most people have the same problem when they eat them. Fortunately the other variety of artichoke don’t seem to have the same effect and they are very good for you apparently.

      After my initial fury at the age thing, I did have a laugh about the TV show. You are right, it is weird having an age limit on a tv show! Can you imagine what tv might would be like if only people aged under 45 could work or be shown on it? What a terrible thought!!

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    1. 😉 It’s seems ages since I wrote this! The TV show have really missed a trick with our move from Jakarta to rural Spain – filming that and all the excitment would have taken awesome’ness to a new high – Too bad that I’m the wrong side of 45!!! 😀

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