Taking A Left Turn Or, How The Other Half Live

After arriving at an ungodly hour of the morning at Soekarno-Hatta airport, I checked in for my Emirates flight back to London via Dubai and then went to find a cup of coffee. As the noisy tannoy spluttered and gurgled the announcement for my flight, I made my way to the boarding gate. Handing over my ticket and passport to the girl at the desk I was a little alarmed when she scanned it and then said ‘I’m sorry Madam’ ‘there seems to be a problem with your ticket’ I was still half asleep and therefore not really capable of thinking as my problem ticket was whisked away and handed over to an efficient looking woman for closer inspection. ‘Wait over there please’ said the younger woman pointing to a row of seats close by. Whilst waiting, it occurred to me that maybe there really was a problem with the ticket, and maybe just maybe, my plan of traveling to Spain and finding a house to buy would be thwarted before even leaving Jakarta. If Irishman had booked this ticket on some dodgy credit card then I was going to have his guts for garters.

Just as I was on the point of breaking into a muck sweat, the efficient woman came over and handed me a new ticket. ‘We’ve upgraded you to Business Class Mrs. Nevin, enjoy your flight’. Speechless, I flung my arms around the efficient looking woman’s neck and gave her a huge hug. My fellow passengers in Economy turned a visible shade of green as I was lead through the riff raff and out into the cordoned off area exclusively reserved for those with pots of money.

I soon discovered that life is very different when you take a left turn onto a plane instead of a right. No sooner had I parked myself into the comfortable armchair style seat, than a glass of champagne was being handed to me. The roomy seat had loads of legroom and with partitions between the seats there was none of the usual argy-bargy regarding fellow passengers hogging both of the arm rests. In that moment I thought I might well have died and gone to heaven. Taking full advantage of the free flowing champagne, I snuck in another glass quickly before the flight took off.

No sooner had the fasten seatbelt signs been switched off than my every need was taken care of. ‘Mrs Nevin, would you like to see the wine list?’ ‘A hot towel Mrs Nevin?’ ‘Mrs Nevin, would you like to see the lunch menu?’ ‘Some cocktail snacks for you Mrs Nevin’ ‘How would you like your steak cooked Mrs Nevin?’ ‘Mrs Nevin, some port to accompany your cheese?’ ‘Some more champagne Mrs Nevin?’ ‘Belgium chocolates with your coffee Mrs Nevin?’ ‘An extra pillow Mrs Nevin?’

By the time Mrs Nevin arrived at Dubai airport eight and a half hours later, she was so stuffed, sorry replete, that she half staggered, half waddled off the plane. Making my way to the next gate for the onward trip to London, I was already dreading the prospect of having to re-engage with life in the economy lane.

I’m still unclear as to why my luck was at such an all time high that day but suffice to say when I boarded for my next flight I found myself once again making a left turn. Having indulged to excess on the previous flight I vowed that I would moderate my intake on this one. But the flesh is weak, and Mrs Nevin couldn’t help herself but get stuck into yet more of the fine things on offer. After watching 3 movies and gorging myself on every available food and beverage that was offered to me, I reckoned it was time to take advantage of the lie-back facility on my chair. Pressing various buttons I soon had a comfortable berth to lie back on. ‘Ah, Mrs Nevin, you might want a mattress and an extra cushion?’ How very nice to be able to actually lie down on a flight. My legs stretched out, the headphones on, the faint roar of the aircrafts engines in the background….

But then I got bored. I noticed that there were some natty controls on the handset which when pressed, turned the chair into massage mode. Before I knew it, there was a strange but very pleasant sensation tingling me between my legs, over my buttocks and up and down my back. It was very nice, very nice indeed, almost too nice. I quickly turned it off for fear that in this heightened state of ecstasy and relaxation, I might fall to sleep and wake the other passengers with loud moaning sounds from coming from my cubicle.

I am not sure why, or for what reason I became the darling of Emirates that day, but it was such a pleasure and a treat to have the experience and it was much appreciated. Over the past couple of years we have flown with Emirates a number of times and cannot fault them. Their service is always excellent even in Economy Class. However, having been gifted this fabulous, lux trip back to London, it did feel like winning the lottery. I fear though that now having had a taste of the high life, I’m always going to feel cheated when having to do battle with the arm rests back in Economy. Just for fun I checked out the price of a Business Class ticket to London and it came back as $4,059.00 as opposed to the $1,200 that we normally pay. Guess I won’t be taking a left turn any time soon!