Plato’s Cave In Jakarta


I’ve not written about my bowels for ages, months in fact. There was a time when almost every post I wrote had some reference to having the shits or being rendered housebound by flatulence or a combination of both. I even wrote about my ineptness at aiming straight over a squat toilet. Remember the story about my doing a poo and then discovering that I’d misfired by about 12 inches?

Two years down the line and I’m now a real pro when it comes to Indonesian toilets. I still draw the line at using my hand to wipe my arse, but I have mastered the high-pressure hose attachment to such a degree and with such dexterity that I’m seriously considering buying one and having it plumbed into my new bathroom in Spain. To think I could have been so rude about them when I first came here; now I don’t think I could live without one.
My most exciting discovery though (and it would be really mean not to share this), was when I discovered the Orgasmo-lav*. These very special toilets can be found in the Ladies lavatories of upmarket shopping malls and some restaurants. On the side of the toilet is a handle which when turned sends a super-strength jet of water up and out from the back of the toilet and by wiggling your bottom you can direct the jet anywhere you want it. Not only do they make feel you clean and refreshed, but they also make going to the toilet at Plaza Indonesia a REAL pleasure.

Orgasmo-lav
Orgasmo-lav
Lottie on Orgasmo-lav
Lottie on Orgasmo-lav

But I digress. The point of this post is about my bathroom tiles. The reason that I bought up the bowel, fart, orgasmo-lav stuff was because I realised that my bathroom tiles post needed an introduction. After all, if I hadn’t spent so much time on the toilet here in Dengue Villas, then I might never have noticed the marvellous Plato’s Cave images that greet me every time I’m sat there.

I’m sure that many of you will be familiar with Plato’s The Allegory Of The Cave but in case you are not I’m including a very short animated film that I found on You Tube. It’s full of swearing so if you don’t like rude words then it’s not for you but it does quite a good job in explaining Plato’s take on reality.

I sometimes think that two years of living in Jakarta has made me a little mad, but surely I can’t be the only person who finds pictures and images on floor and walls? Who can’t see the smiling Chinese man, the horse, the sleeping woman and the little dog in the tall hat here?

Chinese man
Chinese man
Horse's head
Horse’s head
Sleeping beauty
Sleeping beauty
Little dog in tall hat
Little dog in tall hat

31 thoughts on “Plato’s Cave In Jakarta

  1. Well alas, I can’t see the images, Lottie but I do recall the MP ditty about philosophers, in which Plato gets a mention.

    Plato, they say, could stick it away;
    Half a crate of whiskey every day.
    Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
    Hobbes was fond of his dram,
    And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart: “I drink, therefore I am”

    At the moment I can’t get the video to play but I’ll try again later. I am not sure the fun of the high pressure hose would be quite as enduring in Spain as it seems to be in Indonesia. I suspect it is the absence of other stimulating entertainment in Jakarta that makes it seem so alluring. Your ‘selfie’ is worthy of the G+ group called “Bathroom Selfies”, which features regularly on the ‘recommended for you’ list. So far I have resisted the temptation to browse or submit. I shall though have to go and check whether there is a special section for people using an orgasmo-lav.

    PS: I think I have worked out the dog and sleeping beauty but I’m still wrestling with the chinaman and the horse.

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  2. Love the ditty!

    I think you are right Andrew, the high pressure hose won’t have nearly the same appeal in Spain. I shall have to find other things to entertain and distract me 😉

    Are there really such things as bathroom selfies? God heavens, I must go and check them out this instant.

    Sorry about the fil’um, not sure what I’ve done wrong there. I might have to re-load it if it’s a problem.

    The chinese man is not straight on, he’s sort of leaning slightly, it’s just his head. The horse has no ears…..I am going mad arent’ I.

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  3. I am sniggling my a– off. Lady of Jakarta you are ruining my depressed state of mind. I’ve had enough laughing to last for days or maybe weeks. The selfie is priceless as the Master credit card ads say.

    On the other hand my bathroom is so small one just about has to back out to get out. It is too compact and my departed husband never saw it as a problem. There are tiles in this pip sized bathroom but nothing of interest that I have found yet….. 🙂

    I am so sorry but I don’t see a dang thing in the tiles and I had to get this comment in here.

    On other note. I can not get that damn yahoo mail to open up to read your email. Some of the other mail will not open up either. I had to find you name in my comments to get to your blog. The blog email notice will not open on several emails. So now I have to see about that so I’ll be late getting back to you. also have to take a cat to the vet here in a bit. It is now 9:35am in cen-Texas. You can erase this last paragraph if you wish.

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    1. I wouldn’t dream of erasing anything that you leave on here Yvonne, I love hearing about your world and what you are up too. Sorry to hear about the cat though, hope it’s nothing major? Those vets of yours must all be driving around in brand spanking new motors the amount of money you must spend there. I hope they give all your animals 5* treatment 🙂

      Me and my tiles eh? They are a constant source of amusement to me and give me hours of entertainment whilst I’m sat on the loo (I read somewhere that Americans hate the way us Brits call it a loo, is that true?)

      I’ve been having problems with my internet but not my mail fortunately. It’s such a pest when there are problems with mail, I do sympathise 😦 hope it gets sorted soon xxx

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  4. 🙂 I really understand you, Lottie.. when I was small and stayed at my granny’s place, there was a wooden ceiling – I remind, there was a fox, two skating children and so on 😉 – so there is much more to see in tiles or wooden ceilings .. just some people just don’t know it yet..

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    1. Oh thank goodness you understand me Marta, what a relief that someone out there does! Your granny’s ceiling sounds like a veritable treasure trove of pictures – the two skating children, the fox, how wonderful that you stil remember those images. I bet that you could draw them from memory even now. Perfect. Thanks as always for your comments 🙂

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  5. Yes! I am always seeing things on walls, on ceilings, in clouds, pretty much everywhere! Especially faces. I think we must both be a little mad. Well, you more than me, what with your bathroom post. Hee hee

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    1. I see it as a sign of being a creative, always noticing small details, seeing images in everything. It’s very good to know that I am not alone and that you also have the same mad streak! 🙂

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  6. Nod, smile and back away slowly…

    Actually I see lot’s of images in tiles and flooring and woodgrain and ice-caked windows and frosted glass and….

    My favourite pastime at school was to press my fingers against my closed eyes and watch the swirling patters form pictures – much easier to get through geography and history class this way. You can look thoughtful doing it too.

    I couldn’t find sleeping beauty – but there again I’m no prince.

    Maybe you could start a new blog tantalizing toilets or pervs potties, even lacivious loos.
    🙂

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    1. Rod, you are very wicked to have even put the thought into my head. You do understand the power of suggestion I’m sure!
      I loved hearing about the hours of fun that you had distracting yourself in lessons at school – kids these days just play on their phones during lessons, not half so much fun 😀

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  7. In fact your bog tiles have a lot of images…. on the horses head tile I see a very wrinkly butt crack and the tall hat on the dog reveals a very tinsy mouse peering out of a hole. I’ve just had a week at Dorset Steam Fair where my orgasmo lav was a bucket as the bogs were so far away. No marble tiles to stare at but a lot of sticks that just looked like… well.. sticks. Bogs and bras thats what we always talked about Lottie.. Nyce 🙂

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  8. Trust you to find a wrinkly butt crack 😉 I can see the tiny mouse peeping out of the hole and the next time I sit on my throne I shall think of you and have a ‘laarf.

    Your latest orgasmo-lav* sounds terribly genteel. Last time we spoke you were having to use a carrier bag! oh, maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned that here 🙂

    And yes, dearest Kathryn you are right, nothing has changed, we have always had a huge amount of fun talking about bogs and bras. How is yours btw? Thrown anything under a no. 38 bus recently? xxx

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    1. The orgasmo bag has been overtaken by the genteel nature of a bucket – non orgasmo. One has to think of the environment 🙂 The 38 is now one of those flash new route masters and I didnt want to mess up the hybrid technology with shoving a bra under there. However I did put the last one in the fire box of a 1904 steam engine. It seemed poignant for it to end its life in something of a similar age. Since I last saw you Ive put more weight on so my bras do take up a lot of space on this planet. I may need planning permission the next time I throw one away. Love u. X

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  9. Yes, I thought we would be treated to a Lottie classic again. All the best with the Spanish loo, let us know if you see anything in the loo department that is outstandingly different. I have heard that they do some strange things with lemons and olive oil.

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  10. I particularly enjoyed the picture of the toilet. I regret not taking any toilet photos whilst I was in Asia; if I had the time again I’d take more pictures of stuff like that.
    I also see shapes in things. It’s like the inkblot test (sorry can’t remember the real name) where you have to say if something is just an inkblot or whether it’s a picture of something. I had to take that for a job interview once and gave very detailed responses. I didn’t get the job.

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      1. No harm in giving it a whirl! Hope you are having a good weekend. We’ve not left the apartment so I’m beginning to get cabin fever….better go and stare at the bathroom wall!!

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